What Makes the Perfect Romance?

Image from Wix

Because romance is such a common trope and also happens to be the most popular genre, it's easy for readers to catch the elements that make a romance less believable, fulfilling, or impactful. In some cases, the dynamics of a romance can even cause a negative impact on the story's message. To make sure your story has a well-crafted romantic relationship, keep these tips in mind.

They complement each other's personalities. When we lack an attribute that we desire and then see it in another person, we might envy them, struggle to understand their way of thinking, or admire them. For example, the pessimistic and cynical person in a story may admire someone for possessing a seemingly impossible sense of optimism and hope. Maybe the pessimist will even learn to see the world more positively along their romantic journey. This is what "opposites attract" means. However, if we're thinking realistically, having opposite attributes also causes conflict. A pessimistic person and their optimistic lover would definitely not agree on the same solution if they're presented with a difficult situation. Conflict can foster character growth, but at the same time, making two lovers polar opposites can be a turnoff for readers because if they have too many differences, it makes less sense for them to function as a couple. Overall, if the lovers have the exact same personality, chances are that your storyline doesn't need two copies of the same character with different names and bodies. At the same time, you don't want two completely different and incompatible people getting forced by the author into a romantic relationship, and this is a common mistake especially when writing an enemies-to-lovers story (more on that in a later post).

Their friends and/or family notice the chemistry. Yes, attraction isn't enough, but you still need to clearly show at some point that it's there. Whether the lovers are separately enduring their own respective doses of teasing and urging to just go for it, it reminds us the importance of having a solid support system outside of a romantic relationship. And by having other people see the chemistry and react to it, the romance arc becomes a noticeable subplot (or main plot, depending on your story) without making those secondary characters completely disappear from the picture. With effort, one can hide simple and shallow attraction. But if your characters are experiencing an emotion that's as raw and all-encompassing as love, it is impossible to fully hide it (and if they do somehow manage to completely hide it, they've either got extremely unobservant friends, or the romantic bond isn't as powerful as it should be). Also, if you want your romance plot to take up more of a spotlight in your story, having secondary characters notice the lovers' chemistry and react negatively to it (forbidden love, jealousy, not trusting the love interest, etc) can add more depth to the romance by raising concerns over the consequences it'll have—not just on the lovers, but on other people as well.

The romance builds up. As a society, we're basically trained to see two people enjoying their time together and raise the possibility that they will probably end up as a couple. That expectation numbs us to the buildup—or, in poorly written ones, the lack thereof—that goes into romance. I like to use Tangled as an example of how it shows both sides of this (and yes, I'm aware that I've already talked about this movie in another post, but I'm not talking about Mother Gothel this time!). Eugene and Rapunzel fall in love within three days, which is definitely an unrealistic timeline. But they still build it up. They don't just magically start liking each other once they're sitting together in the boat on the river. Rapunzel's been slowly helping Eugene realize that riches aren't everything. Eugene supports Rapunzel as she sorts out her feelings about her big dream to see the lights. Along the way, they've made many misinterpretations about each other's character, only to learn more about each other as they realize they were mistaken. And the more they both learn, the closer they become. On the other hand, Cinderella is almost as popular (the 2015 version grossed at $542 million while Tangled grossed at $592 million), and it takes one dance for Cinderella and the crown prince to start liking each other. There's nothing wrong with writing about instant attraction, but if it's not a classic Disney tale, it's tough to sell your audience a story where your prince somehow gets hooked onto one random girl—out of the many he will inevitably dance with that same night—and run around trying to find her again in hopes that they'll get married. Especially if he's got a kingdom to run.

They remember the little things. My favorite example of this is when the lovers share an inside joke. When two people share a memory or joke about something only the two of them understand, it serves as a reminder of the experiences they've bonded over that are exclusive only to each other. Building these unique experiences adds intimacy and a deeper understanding of one another, both of which add depth to a romantic relationship. On that note, the "little things" aren't limited to inside jokes. It can be as simple as noticing someone's nervous habits, their pet peeves, their favorite flower—and acting on it. Plenty of examples of this exist in books and movies, but one that stood out to me was Dev and Charlie's dynamic in Alison Cochrun's The Charm Offensive. Charlie's OCD is germ-related, so after they both sleep together for the first time, Dev wakes up the next morning and brings Charlie hand sanitizer, figuring that all the skin-to-skin contact from the night before must have been tough for Charlie. Charlie is very touched by this gesture because it testifies to how attraction isn't the only component of their relationship—kindness, empathy, thoughtfulness, support, and the ongoing initiative that they both take to understand each other make both of them even more suitable for each other.

Everyone's preferences vary for what components make up a romance that makes them believe in love, so writing the perfect one is impossible. But adding these elements can help you avoid the common pitfalls that result in shallow or forced relationships between fictional characters.